I remember vividly packing up my childhood bedroom when I got home from college and around that same time I became engaged. It was overwhelmingly stressful to see my walls go into boxes and put my trinkets away. My mom and my now husband were very supportive and helped me pack up my room.
But, I was very emotional and sad during the process. I was having a really hard time coping with the changes. I started crying and I eventually sat on my bed with my arms crossed and pouting lips and decided I wasn’t packing up anything else. My room wasn’t changing anymore… As embarrassing as it is to admit, I went from being and independent 24 year old woman to a crying, emotional 4 year old girl in a matter of minutes.
My husband being an excellent reader of the room, gave my mom and I some space. My mom crawled into bed with me and hugged me and told me change can be hard. She said watching me pack up my things was sad for her too. She was the type of mom who got sad when she had to send my sister and I back to school after breaks. I should have realized it would be hard for her too but I was focused on myself. She told me she wanted to make a nice bedroom for my husband and I to come home to when we visit. She wanted to turn my room into a room for two. I look back on that moment today and I realize it was one of the sweetest ways my mom could have welcomed my husband into the family. She has since created a room I can’t wait to come home to! However, at the time I wasn’t very adaptable to the changes. Yet, I learned a little something.
This reflection has put many situations involving change into perspective for me. I was having a conversation about change involving friendships the other day and it turned in to a very productive conversation! I love that!
One of the hardest things about life changing is that as individual people, we tend to change too. Some people understand and continue to lay down the foundational stones to build on their friendships. Those people are priceless gems. Other people become very self absorbed when they enter adulthood and become wrapped up in their lives, their kids, and their careers. They expect everyone to marvel at them and for example they will forget to ask about my career, my life and my fur babies. They begin neglecting their friendships because they believe the other person will maintain that friendship for them. Those that realize the difference are ahead of the game and realize that they are outgrowing certain friends.
Just like how I outgrew my room, I’m finding that I’m outgrowing certain friendships.
I try to check in with my friends on a frequent basis since we are all spread out. Most of my friends fuel the conversations and we continue to grow in life together. Others create excuses about being busy but it doesn’t take up a lot of time to send out a text message, a quick email or even a simple 5 minute phone call. Sometimes all I have time for is a quick “I miss you, let’s catch up soon” text. This is my way of letting my friends know I’m thinking of them.
I also have friends who I don’t hear from a lot but when I do hear from them it’s as though our communication channels never closed. Those are also a special type of friendship that should be cherished. However, my point is more driven on taking the negative friendships and the friendships that cause worry out of your life.
I’ve recognized that some friends are truly there for me like how my mom crawled into bed with my pouting lips and weepy eyes to reassure me that the change I was going through was real and sad… but it was okay and leading me on a fabulous new journey.
In order for life to move forward we have to take the people who are ready with us. Other people might be caught up in the “me, myself, and I” trend that seems to be circulating. That’s okay, let them be in their own bubble. That bubble clearly has limited space.
Instead of worrying about getting into someone else’s bubble, just center your energy around those who are moving forward with you. You’re allowed to leave friends behind. That’s one of the hardest things I’ve realized. I have a lot of loyalty when it comes to my friends but I can’t maintain a friendship alone. It’s a two-way street. I still send handwritten cards every now and again to reach out. However, I’m no longer worrying about people who probably aren’t worried about me. I say all of these things with as much love as possible. It’s easier for me to embrace the changes in life because I’ve seen a lot of change in a short amount of time.
Like I mentioned above, it’s okay to center your energy around those who deserve it. Centering your energy/hygge involves a little self care and self understanding. This means raising up the friendships that will fuel your happy soul. Life isn’t a competition, a game or an ultimatum, rather it’s a journey involving teamwork. We should all be traveling with those who embrace the teamwork in the journey. Just make sure at least one friend has the bottle of wine to enjoy along the way!